I freeze when it's time to talk about working together

Direct Answer

The freeze happens at a real seam: the conversation stops being about them and starts being about you. I teach a turn that keeps it collaborative, which is to ask permission first. "Would it help if I talked a bit about what I do?" A client says yes, and the moment stops being a performance.

Leah Neaderthal

Leah Neaderthal

Founder, Smart Gets Paid

Best Move

Ask permission before describing your work, then lead with the problem you solve rather than your process.

Why It Works

Permission turns a pitch into an invited answer, so the moment stays a conversation instead of becoming a performance.

Next Step

Write one sentence naming the problem you solve, and read it out loud until it sounds like you.

What you need to know

The first sale is to yourself.

Leah Neaderthal, Smart Gets Paid

Why does describing my own work feel so much harder than the rest of the call?

Describing your own work is the first moment in the call that is about you. Up to that point you were asking about their situation, which is comfortable because the attention points away from you and the client is doing most of the talking.

Here's what changes: when you stop inviting a client to talk about themselves and start talking about your services, you stop lighting up the part of the conversation they were enjoying. The energy in the room really does shift, and most consultants read that shift as evidence they are doing something wrong.

Three things tend to be true at once in that moment:

  • The subject changed, and nobody warned you it would feel different.
  • You have no script, because the questions were easy to prepare and this was not.
  • You are evaluating yourself while talking, which is a hard thing to do fluently.

None of those is a sign you are bad at this. They are the predictable result of a handoff nobody taught you to make.

What do I actually say to make the turn?

Ask permission, then answer. My turn is a single question that hands the moment back to the client before you take it: "Well, I think I have a good understanding. Would it help if I talked to you a little bit about what I do?"

Nobody says no. The client came for exactly this, and asking first changes what follows from a pitch into a requested answer. It is the same permission move that makes asking for the business land as a service rather than a push.

What comes after the permission

  1. Name the problem you solve, in one sentence, in their language rather than your process language.
  2. Name the outcomes, meaning what is different for a client afterward.
  3. Then, and only then, the tactics: the workshops, the sprints, the deliverables.

I call the first of those a Painkiller Statement, and it's a named piece of the Academy curriculum with its own build. The order is the part that matters here. Most consultants start at step three, because tactics are concrete and easy to describe, and the client is left assembling the value themselves.

Why the order fixes the rush

A sentence you believe is easier to say slowly. When you open with what the work is for, you are on ground you know, and the tactics that follow stop sounding like a defense.

How do I stop rushing through it?

Rushing comes from wanting the moment to be over, so the fix is to change what the moment means rather than to slow your speech down by force.

Alison Wood Brooks, in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, found that more than 90% of people believe trying to calm down is the best way to handle pre-performance nerves. Across studies of singing, public speaking and math, that turned out to be the weaker strategy. People who reappraised the same arousal as excitement, sometimes just by saying "I am excited" out loud, performed better and adopted what Brooks calls an opportunity mindset rather than a threat mindset.

The practical version for a sales conversation:

  • Stop trying to feel calm. Calm is a long way from where you are, and reaching for it makes the gap obvious.
  • Name the moment as the good part. This is the point where a client finds out you can help them.
  • Slow the first sentence only. The rest follows the pace you set.

What's underneath the freeze?

Underneath the freeze is a belief about what will happen if you take up space, and my Awkwardness Mantra exists to surface it. The mantra is a four-step exercise from the Academy curriculum, and it works because it makes the belief say its name.

The four steps, in my order:

  1. Name the scenario and what is hardest about it. Not the whole call. The exact moment.
  2. Name what makes you believe that. The thing you are afraid the client will conclude.
  3. Ask whether the feeling is familiar. Most of the time it arrived long before this business did.
  4. Write what you can tell yourself in the moment. My examples are plain: you do not have to be in charge of this, and they will not think you are dumb.

The same four steps work on the moment a client asks what you charge, which is where most consultants meet this feeling first. Step four is the one people skip and the one that works, because it gives the feeling somewhere to go while you keep talking. Pair it with what I call peering yourself: you are evaluating this client as much as they are evaluating you, and you are not grateful to be in the conversation.

Leah's take

I have watched a lot of accomplished women run a beautiful discovery call and then get to this moment and sprint. Same person, thirty seconds apart. Nothing about their ability changed in those thirty seconds.

Here is what I think is going on. You have spent a career being valued for the work, and the work speaks for itself once you are in the room. Describing what you do before anybody has seen you do it is a different skill, and nobody taught it to you. Of course it feels awkward. Who could have guessed you would need it?

So treat it as a skill rather than a personality trait, because that is what it is. Write the sentence. Say it out loud in the car. Say it until it sounds like something you would say to a friend rather than something you would put on a website. The awkwardness fades with reps, the same way it does for everything else you have learned.

And notice that a client asking what working together looks like is a good sign. They are trying to picture it. Give them something to picture.

More questions about this topic

Does the freeze mean I'm not confident in my work?

The freeze is almost never about confidence in the work. Consultants who freeze here are usually certain about their delivery and uncertain about describing it before a client has seen it. Those are different skills, and only one of them gets practiced in a career of doing excellent work for people who already hired you.

Should I tell the client I'm nervous?

Naming nerves out loud rarely helps in a first conversation, because it hands the client something to manage. The better move is internal: notice the arousal, relabel it as interest in the problem, and keep going. Save the candour for a moment where it does work for the relationship rather than for you.

What if I forget what I planned to say?

Forgetting a rehearsed paragraph is common, and it is the argument against rehearsing paragraphs. Hold one sentence about the problem you solve, and let the rest come from the conversation you just had. A client would rather hear you respond to their situation than recite something you prepared for somebody else.

How long should this part of the call take?

Two or three minutes is usually enough. Describing your work is a turn in the conversation rather than a presentation, and the point is to give the client enough to react to. If they want more, they will ask, and their questions will tell you which part mattered most to them.

Related pages

Leah Neaderthal

Leah Neaderthal

Leah Neaderthal is the founder of Smart Gets Paid, where she has helped hundreds of women consultants attract more of the clients they want and get paid more for their work. For more than a decade, she has taught women consultants how to bring in clients on purpose and get paid more for their value, through her program, The Academy. She's also the host of The Smart Gets Paid podcast. Learn more at smartgetspaid.com.

www.smartgetspaid.com
Mary G, nonprofit consultant
I just secured a contract for 500% more than I was originally going to quote. I was ready to undervalue my bid and ask for $7,000 but I reached out to Leah and the team for a pep talk and I'm glad I did, because we are now going under contract for $37,500!! I'm stoked!
Denise F, marketing consultant
I was my reviewing my revenue dashboard and it showed that I earned $100K more in 2024 compared to the year before. I joined the Academy in May 2024 and it has transformed my sales approach entirely.
Sarah J, fundraising consultant
We used to book clients just in time to keep income flowing, and we now have a 6-month cushion!

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