Episode 46 · August 7, 2022
Making friends with your past
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In this episode
A coaching call with a client who works as an intuitive and who spent a long career in management consulting and marketing before that. Her question was how to talk about the value of what she does without it sounding, in her own word, funky. What we find is that the answer is sitting in the half of her history she had dropped out of her brand. I close with my own version of feeling different, which turns out to be my last name.
What you'll take away
- She'd let half her history fall out of her own brand. The consulting career, the launches, the turnarounds. All the credibility that makes the rest of it land, gone from the page.
- Nobody wants to work with an intuitive. Or a coach, or a consultant. People want what working with you gets them, so put the outcome out front and let the how come up in conversation.
- She was called weird at seven, for her name, her lunch and parents who didn't speak English. That's the voice telling her people will think this is funny. Not the adult. The seven year old.
- We made a list of what she's done and read it through my eyes instead of hers. Written down, it was obvious in about a minute why a CEO would want her in the room.
- Positioning doesn't have to do the whole job. It has to be enough to make somebody curious enough to talk to you. That's the entire ask.
In this conversation
The full transcript, in sections. Open any one to read it.
A daughter, three weeks early
0:02
I've been like, why would they pick me, right? But in reality, what I have is something very powerful, like, why wouldn't you want to talk to somebody who is a killer, badass business person, but who's also a psychic
Welcome to the smart gets paid podcast with me. Leah Neaderthal, I help women land higher paying clients in their B2B, consulting, coaching and service based businesses. But I've never been a salesperson. My background is in corporate marketing, and when I started my first consulting business, I learned pretty quickly that it's about 1000 times harder to sell your own stuff than it is to sell someone else's. So I taught myself how to do it, and I created the sales approach that I now share with my clients so they can feel more comfortable in the sales process, get more of the right clients and get paid way more for every client contract. So whether your client contracts are $5,000 $100,000 or more, if you want to work with more of the clients you love, do more of the work you love, and get paid more than you ever thought you could, then you're in the right place. Let's do it together. Thanks for tuning in, and don't forget to rate this podcast. Review it and share it. Thanks.
Hey there. Thanks for joining me in this episode. I hope that wherever you are, wherever you are listening to this, I hope you're having a good week, making some good progress in your business, and also taking some time for yourself. So last week, I published a little like mini episode, because I shared that my daughter had just been born, yay, and she was actually born three weeks early. So because of that, I hadn't had time to prep an episode for that week, and I just want to thank everyone who reached out to me to congratulate us, everyone who commented on my LinkedIn posts or who emailed me. We were just overwhelmed with the amazing support and congratulations we've gotten, I always say, and I'm so grateful that the smart gets paid community. You all whether you're listening to this podcast or part of my LinkedIn network, or you're a client or an alum of mine, it is such an incredible and supportive and feels to me very much like an extended family, and I definitely felt that recently. So thank you. All right, so let's get into the episode. Shall we? So a few episodes ago, I sat down with Rachel Simmons, who's the author of several best selling books, like odd girl out and the curse of the good girl, and we talked about how our experience as girls show up and also shape our businesses and shape us as business owners. That's episode 43 if you haven't caught that one yet. That topic how our experiences show up and shape our businesses. It's one of my passions, because I'm a big believer, and I say it all the time that you can't really grow a profitable business, and in our world, that means getting more of the clients you want and getting paid way more for your work. But you can't do that comfortably and effectively and successfully without shining a light on the experiences that we had in our childhoods and how those experiences might be affecting you or really holding you back today, so that you know, once we do that we can unlearn some of those lessons that we learned as girls and really start to grow our businesses, right? I mean, we all know that our experiences from girlhood, right, our childhood, those show up in our lives, right, as just like adults, but my curiosity is in how they play out in our businesses. So the conversation that you're going to listen in on today is a perfect example of that, where one of my clients childhood experiences is playing out today in her business. So I'm talking to a woman whose business on the surface like once you first hear it, it doesn't sound like it's business to business, or, you know, B but as you listen in, you'll hear that it's very much about business, and my client brings some serious chops from the business world. But as you're going to hear something from way back is still holding her back today, and it just shows how powerful those messages that we heard as girls and our experience as girls, how powerful they are today. So just one quick note on this episode, a little ways in my client starts talking about some of her past corporate experience, and in that part, you're going to hear a lot of bleeping. It's almost going to feel like, okay, I get it like, is this just too much, too many bleeps, but all those bleeps aren't because she's, you know, going on a rant about her corporate experience. We kept all those bleeps in because she's naming the companies that she's worked with. So behind every one of those bleeps is the name of a company that you probably know that you've interacted with. You've probably bought something from them and companies that are part of our daily lives. And I promise that all of those even the. Beliefs are relevant to the story, and of course, we believe them, because my commitment to my clients, when they allow me to share these episodes is that we'll keep them and their clients anonymous. So anyway, I want to send a huge thank you to my client for allowing me to share this call with you. So take a listen, and at the end, I'll come back and share a lesson that you can apply to your business right after this? Do you have an actual sales process? We're talking about not a general sense of what you should be doing, but a real process where you know exactly what step comes next, who to follow up with, and when, and you can see at a glance where every potential client stands. If the answer is no, or if yours feels clunky, or you're reinventing the wheel every single time I made something for you, it's called roadmap to clients. It's a free 20 minute video course, and in it, you'll map out your customized sales process, step by step, from the very first contact with a potential client all the way to a signed proposal. It's the same foundational process we use with every Academy member, and it's completely free. Go to smart gets paid.com/roadmap to get started.
It's nice to talk to you. I was just spending some time on your website, and I went over the stuff that you sent me, but this is really your time. So how can we make this a really valuable time for you? What would you like to see or feel or experience or have at the end of this session,
What she wants out of this session
6:31
confidence in having a plan, a go forward plan that I can actually stick to. I have some deep seated belief issues that I can't be successful in this realm, and I'd like to put those to rest, but, and I don't know if that's realistic to expect, I don't think it's something that you can necessarily, like, wave a wand and it'll be gone. But I think if any
of us could just wave a wand, yeah, limiting beliefs could be replaced by other, better, more productive beliefs.
Yeah, I've been in therapy for like, 25 years. There's still some boogers hanging on that I can't clear out. But when I think about what I want to get out of the session, it's like, if I have a plan that I can execute off of that will push through so I don't spin. I spin a lot. I'm a creative person. I'll be like, Well, what about this and what about that? You know, so and I, you know, I really just want to do business readings and healings and trainings for people. I am an incredibly gifted psychic. I don't have limiting beliefs around that. I don't have beliefs in my I don't have limiting beliefs in my intuitive abilities. I am no longer afraid. It took me four years to tell people that I'm an intuitive, you know. So it's like, how can I monetize this now and do more of the work that I love? Because when I do it, it does not feel like work at all. Yeah, versus management consulting, which I've been doing for a long time.
Yeah. I mean, this is a classic case of, like, doing the thing that you think you should be doing versus the thing that really lights up your soul, your zone of genius.
And then I spent some time talking to my husband last night, who's like, Yeah, this is like, your Achilles. You know, I'm a frickin proud trauma survivor. And what I was told at a very young age, like, you suck, and that's what gets in the way a lot, yeah.
And it's so deep seated, you know, to us and the things that we experience in here at a young age, well, I will sort of seed the floor to people who are much more spiritually in tuned than I am, right? And the work that I've done on limiting beliefs, and the work that you know we touch on in with my clients, is not as deep as therapy. I will say, where I can help is giving you a few next steps, a few ways to think about it, maybe a few, maybe we can sort of reframe some things and help you feel really confident about what your next steps are and how to really move forward. And you know, because you're an incredible intuitive how do we turn that into an incredible business for you? So right now, like, when you say, like, what's still hanging on? Right? The boogers, it's still they're still hanging on. We do still have to sort of look at those. I mean, before I just dive into like, let's make this change in your business. Like, let's shine a light on what's still just, yeah,
How do I talk about what this is worth?
9:33
well, this one should be relatively within your wheelhouse, which is, how do I communicate the value of an intuitive business reading? I've got folks who've had them, and they're like, it's a game changer. It's a lifesaver. Like, I cleaned up my portfolio, got rid of old clients, like, you know, so I know it's very effective, but how do I get more people when it's kind of a funky maybe the limiting belief is that I think it's a funky thing. That's a big one. What. Is, how do I package this up for business owner? Audience, or senior person? Audience, what does the business model look like? Which I've done some. I mean, I know what my price point is like, what I'd like to charge for it. It's less of a limiting belief and more of a how do you put some flesh on the bone to make it like an offering?
The funky thing
10:21
Yeah. Why don't we start with the first one? This is this idea that this is sort of a funky thing, which will lead into, how do we actually talk about it? To make it not sound like a funky thing? I feel like you, you know on some level that, like, being a business intuitive is not a funky thing, but you're there's still something out there that's like, it's not, this is not. What is it? Fill in the blank here. It's not sure, kosher, it's
not, it's not okay. Like, like, it's too Woo, woo, like. And how can I trust that this person would know things about my business that I don't know?
Well, why would somebody? What would prompt somebody to come to you. Let's just sort of set the scene here.
Most of the business readings that I've done have been like me going and asking people like, do you want to do this so? But when people come for like, a personal reading, it's because they want validation, they want clarity, they want some answers or some breadcrumbs as to what to do. They're typically stuck in some in some way, yeah,
and walk me through, what is this scenario which would prompt them to say, even if they don't come to you, like, go on your website and fill out your Contact Us form, what is the walk me through, like, the preceding month that in their life, that would get them to be like, Yeah, this is actually something that could and should help me
on the personal front, the people who had challenges may have issues with their children. Another one was concerned about their fertility. Someone wanted to connect to their relatives. On the other side, their father died.
But what is it in your mind that tells you that this is all fine in the personal realm, but not fine in the business realm.
I think it's that I think people are going to think it's funny, like I'm nervous, like I'm I don't know. It's a good question. I mean, I think it's that people be like, why would we rely on this other source of information? And I have a rational pitch for why that is, things are it's not business as usual. So why would you keep doing business as usual? And I can kind of see through the I can put the tea leaves together. That's what my ancestors did, and my ancestors were psychics. And, you know, we can see things that, you know, but maybe it's the type of customer, because a lot of my clients are and past contacts are all Fortune 1000 you know, folks, and maybe they're just not the right people, because I hate that I can't really market to those people. Or my mindset is that I can't market to those people because it, you know, because I've tried a little and they're like, What like?
Well, I mean, I think that. I mean, we work together. So, you know, my whole thing is, like, I'm not going to, we're going to try to sell to the unconverted, right? We're not going to try to convert anybody who's not on board, but we are going to plant a flag and start to be visible and start to signal the people who are on board, right? But I want to just touch on something really quick. You said, you know that it's not going to be okay, or it's, you know? Did that feel familiar? In some ways, there something that okay?
Called weird at seven
13:30
Yeah, yeah. My parents were immigrants, and when I went to school as a kid, like I was made fun of a lot for my name and my lunch and having parents that didn't speak English and I was called Weird a lot as a kid, I never really felt like I fit in. I felt like I had to be a chameleon all the time to like, make friends and like seem normal.
So I mean, keeping that in mind, I can absolutely understand that you now, you know, bringing your intuitive skills to the business realm, you might also feel back like you did, you know. But at what age would you say? Whatever is seven, yeah, so even though it's like total adult, you, you know, it's really triggering this, like, seven year old, you so, of course, you know, how could we blame you for thinking that that like they're gonna think I'm weird, right? That's not adult you. That's, that's, you know, little value. That's the kind of stuff that, like, I know you have people in your world to really unpack, right? But it's just useful for our purposes to just observe it, right? To observe where you're responding from, like, adult you versus child, you, right? But what if they didn't laugh at you, like, what if they didn't laugh at your lunch when you when you stay. Started talking about your intuitive work in the business area, right? I mean, how would
that feel? Feel fucking great. I'd be on stages like across the country. I'd be like, advising CEOs. I'd be like, the CEO whisperer. Don't work with that person. That's not the right fit, because a lot of times they don't have the instinct they're using this a lot. Of what I try to teach people is to not always use this. This is doesn't have every answer. There's a vibrational element when you know someone is the right person or not, and we we give that piece away a lot. We don't give it Credence. We don't trust the body's knowing. So, yeah, I'd love to go and help people with that, and also teach them how to do that for themselves. Like, I don't have to have all the answers. I'm happy to like, teach people how to like, tap
Nobody wants to work with an intuitive
15:57
in well. So I feel like our challenge here is to plant that flag right. How do we signal the people who want what it is that you know, working with you in your intuitive capabilities will get you because to to to say, you know, I want to work with people who are open to working with an intuitive. I think it's too limiting, and the truth is that nobody actually wants to work with anybody. Nobody wants to work with an intuitive. Nobody wants to work with the coach. Nobody wants to hire a consultant, right? They only want the benefits that working with this person or consultant or you will provide. Now that doesn't mean that you have to be like, I help you get better sales, right? Some sort of generic business message. We can position it, and we can sort of put some language around it that does start to signal a little bit, you know, signal the type of person who number one is, is sort of has come to this point where they might need you, right? Maybe they've tried everything else. Maybe they don't trust themselves. Isn't enough anymore. Maybe there's Madison made some bad decision that in the past that have not panned out for them would just resonate a little bit with, like, what your your vibe? Does that make sense?
Yes, okay, I've thought about before, which is, like, I don't need to say intuitive. But then I'm like, What do I say? Because there's some secret sauce in there, right? Totally, well. And the thing
is that when you talk about positioning your work, your positioning your work doesn't isn't the whole shebang. It's not the wholesale. It's just enough to get people interested in maybe learning more interested in talking to you. Then, you know, you get into conversation, and then you can decide if you can help them or if, and they can decide if they want to work with you, right? It doesn't have to do the whole heavy lifting, right?
Get their curiosity peaked, is what
The presenting problem
17:55
you're saying. Yeah, so, but I'm not saying also that we have to abandon the the tactics of being an intuitive right? Because it is important, and it's also important to you. I want to think about what we call the presenting problem. Like, what is the problem they walk in the door telling you that they have and we're going to plant our flag around that. Now you might there are probably a lot of people who have come to you with a lot of different problems, but can we bubble it up to something that is global enough? A lot of
times they don't know what to do, or they're not they're unsure. They have a few, a few things that they're thinking about, and they're not sure which one to choose. That seems to be the problem a lot of times. So I had a woman literally have me go through and color code her client list. So she said the name of the client, and then I read a color and then there was one that she this company that she was like, I'm not sure about them. And I said, they're going to be very needy, and it's going to be a problem. And she just contacted me last week and was like, I fired them. You were right. They were they were drained on my business. They were not a good fit. And so, yeah, it is fundamentally about decision making. You know, people like me to read the situations that they're in and surface some other avenues to consider. And when I do surface things are like, Oh, I never thought about that before. And then they'll go off and do that also helps with, like, you know, creating products. I've created a few products for one of my clients. Yeah, because I can use my business skills and my marketing skills, and I can tie that to the intuition. So maybe that's your application of it. I don't know.
I think that that's a really important point.
Her old bosses were not surprised
19:39
So, you know, I also launched, was part of the team that launched a bajillion years ago on the marketing side, you know, I work with, I was consigliary for companies and to and I went about some of my clients or my old bosses, and said, I'm a psychic now. She goes. That doesn't surprise me. At all. She's like, you always knew when the clients were gonna leave. That's why we always put you on the accounts, because you knew how to get in there and fix it so we wouldn't lose the business. Doesn't surprise me.
So So I think I'm hearing that you see these as two totally separate worlds
a little bit. Yeah. But are they? No. I mean, I use my intuition every fucking day. I mean it, yeah, right. Like water,
intuition, let me what'd you say? It's like water.
It's like water. It's just there. I turn it on and I just use, I don't even I'm not conscious of it, right, right? So five years ago, I was like, there's gonna be a war. And everyone's like, you're fucking crazy. And I was like, Maybe I am crazy and and I wasn't happy about being right about that. But so what if, just to
sort of reframe this right, like, what if this is, these are not two separate worlds. What if you were always using this? You just used it inside the companies that you were working with. Now you're doing it for more companies, right? How does that sit with you?
Fine. I just need the I feel like I'm stuck on the languaging, like my mind goes languaging. But, yeah, I mean, it's the same skill. It's just a gut sense of knowing that you have, I have, right, right?
But I want to go back to what you said that you know you would if people would think that you're too Woo, woo, or they wouldn't take you seriously. But if you said to me, Hey, do you think that like me taking companies public would be of benefit to you? I'm sure a lot of CEOs would be like, Shut up and take my money. Yes, like, I want you as my right hand person too. So I think that there is. It's just like you said, it's the same skill. You've just done it for Fortune 500 companies, and now you're doing it for more than one, you know, for your clients who are also big companies. So let that I don't know. Maybe that's part of your cape, right? Maybe that's a part of the fabric of your cape to sort of make you feel good about doing this, making,
like, it's differentiating. There's a lot of psychics out there. Yeah, there are a lot of sales don't have business experience, right?
Like, that's, that's the thing you're like, why would anybody take me seriously? That? Would you that you asked me that, right? Like, why would anybody take me seriously? Oh, I don't know. You just mentioned like, eight companies that you took public, right? Or you or like, like you helped, yeah, but
yes, I know you. Mean, okay,
The half of her brand that went missing
22:31
you, you, so that's what, that's why people would take you seriously. And that's missing in your I feel like your messaging and your whole visual brand has gone so far to the woowoo side. I don't even the woo woo side, but like the, you know, the spiritual, spiritual skills side. So I'm not saying you have to do a whole rebrand. We just start with a language. But, you know, I think some of that has to come back and let like, I think sometimes what happens is people leave a world like their past career world, and they go to a new world, and they kind of abandon a lot of that for probably a number of reasons, but that's the reason why you're so good at what you do. Like that's for the justification for why you can do what you do. So whatever needs to happen to feel comfortable. Like referencing that again, that needs to come back in, right? So now the language talking about, you know what you did it, you know what were the outcomes of that
work I rebranded, who drove significant traffic and usage of the tool to compete with. See my like my voice goes,
I know, I know. I mean, listen, I get this. I for years, I didn't talk about the work that I did, starting an organization called lesbians who tech, because it I was like, almost like a different person. When I did that. I was in a different relationship. I was not happy, you know, I sort of left all of that. I started, I took what I had learned and I started, you know, coaching people. But for a long time, I didn't mention it at all. And only recently have I started to talk about it because there is an emotion attached to it, so I can absolutely understand, yeah, like your voice goes down or whatever. We're not saying you have to go back into that world. We're just trying to pull out the things about what you were able to do with your intuitive skills that your current clients would salivate over.
Yeah, I mean, essentially, it was a really successful rebrand that kept the company in business, and it validated investment, because he bought the company wasn't really sure what the hell to do with it that was getting its lunch eaten by Google. It had been around for a long time, so we repositioned it to become more of a compete in the marketplace.
Making the list, through my eyes
24:53
So let's just make a list, and we're going to look at this list through my eyes, not your eyes. Okay. So on the list of things that you've done, you've taken a failing technology company into the and brought it back into the fortune 500 or fortune 100 right? Okay, write that down. Sometimes it just takes, you know, because you're so close to it, you have you were the right hand person for one of, like, the most famous business leaders in history. Talk to me about what else
you did, done a ton of shit. Worked on a robot, the launch of the first food service delivery robot. I'm just looking at my client list really quick and their companies. I was the strategy lead in charge that drove almost half a billion dollars in E commerce sales in watermelon.
You know, took a retailer from brought a retailer to half a billion dollars in E commerce, sales, brick and mortar retailer. What else? And then there's something
else I want to add to this. I worked on a ton of worked on, was a lot of innovation, so kind of figuring out what's next.
Okay, okay, let's add a bullet. You know, get ahead of market trends and set company direction. I've launched
a ton of new products, mostly tech products. So never be the first CRM. I launched the first CRM. That's how old I am.
Okay, so you know, you have launched new products that have become household names. I mean, it'd be interesting to like add that up. You know, 25 new products that have become household names. So these are really powerful. Like, if you showed this list to a CEO or division head or regional lead or whatever they would want, what you got. So now let's work up. Right now. It's just a matter of, how do you like, what's the line? What's that first line? Not that does the whole thing. Don't do the wholesale, but how do you you know, what's the line?
From my class with you is, I help CEOs deal with their biggest barriers to growth, but it's not been very effective.
Well, let's unpack that one reason why that might not be as enticing is because it's all pain and no promise, right? So if I deal with it, maybe I have some barriers to growth. Maybe I deal with it what comes next, and I also think that that's too small for the true impact of your work. It's not just make decisions.
It's around corners. It's like, I'm really good with telling what's going on with people and what their motivations are, and whether or not they're really in like, little spooky for people. If I'm like, I can see inside of people. A lot of times, when I read photos for people, sometimes I've been calling it instinct instead of intuition and that, but that a little better for people are palatable.
Getting to the line
28:06
That's interesting, but you're not helping them use their own intuition, not yet, right? You're using your intuition. Yeah. What about something like, I hope CEOs determine the future. Understand what is it like? Understand the future. I direct the future. Understand and like, gain control of the future using one of the make, yeah, like, make better decisions and guide their company's future using the greatest tool they already have something, something like that, you know. And then when you pair that with, like, oh shit, this woman has, like, worked with, you know, like, this whole portfolio of companies and companies that I know and names that I know, then it's like, All right, well, now I'm paying attention. Okay, so does that give you a little bit to work with on absolutely, absolutely awesome. So what's been the most valuable for
you so far, connecting the dots around these two, these two realms, like the business realm and intuitive realm, and starting to tease together what the story is going to be and I can see what's limiting is like, yeah, I can see a little bit of what's limiting in the sense that I've been like, why would they pick me, right? But in reality, what I have is something very powerful, like, why wouldn't you want to talk to somebody who is the killer, badass business person, but who's also a psychic? Of course? Yeah, and I just have had a hard time being able to tell that story. And it's also been just struggle within me, right, to let go of some of that old world. But the reality is is I want to use my intuition for everything. I want personal, I want business, I want to teach people. Bowl like, you know? Yes, that's all I want to do until I drop dead, you know, right? I imagine myself as an old woman, like, still giving people readings. Great, you know? I think it's amazing. Grandmother used to read coffee cups, right? She that's what they did.
Yeah, this is important to you, not just because you're good at it, because this is your legacy, and it ties you to, you know, people who are important to you, but you've also had the benefit of this very high level business experience, so you're building on what they did by adding this new layer
to it. I feel like I need help marketing all of that. I need another brain, because it's hard for me to do it. It is hard.
It is, you know, but it's not impossible. So now that we have figured out a way to tell the story, right, and given a home to some of this expertise that you have, and given a home in the business world for your intuitive stuff, you know, your intuitive capabilities, and it feels like, I mean, and there's gonna be a little bit more work to do, right, to just sort of try this on, get comfortable with it. But it maybe it feels not so uncomfortable to talk about this stuff, because now you know you, you are like, I want to plan. I want a strategy. And that's fine. I can totally give you that, but I think this work was important today. Oh, yeah, right, because now you can actually activate a strategy.
My take: my last name
31:29
All right. So I love this conversation with my client, because it was so clear. I can absolutely see how her past was sort of holding her back, and how different she felt and how different she sounded once she could make sense of it. And we all have those things in our lives that we kind of just need help making sense of. And for me, actually, you know, going back to this topic of girlhood experiences, I can understand what my client was talking about around when people think you're funny, right? Or, I guess really by funny, what she meant was feeling different, you know, feeling like you stand out, and especially at a time that, like, sensitive time in our adolescence, when the last thing we wanted to do was stand out. Like standing out was basically social death, right? Like in those terrible middle school years, and I remember feeling like there was something about me that was funny, you know, that made me different, and something that was a part of me that I couldn't get away from, and that was my last name. So my last name is, of course, pronounced neiderthal. But if you look at it quickly, it looks like Neanderthal. Of course, Neanderthals being a prehistoric human species, but that word Neanderthal really just means somebody who's, like, uncivilized, stupid, basically a caveman. So as you might imagine, all my life, I've had people call me Leah Neanderthal. And I think actually in my whole life, I've had like, probably fewer than five people pronounce my name correctly. The first time, I've had people make fun of my name. I've had people look at my last name and instead of even trying to pronounce it, they just like, start laughing and listen. I mean, I know a lot of people have names that get mispronounced, right? But not everyone has a last name where, when you mispronounce, it basically means stupid like a caveman. So my whole life, I've been embarrassed by my last name. I remember that in middle school I didn't want to run for student council, because I felt like, if you know, you saw niederthal on signs, like I basically said that nobody with the last name niederthal could win. And then later, when I went to college, I remember they made these signs for our doors, you know, in our freshman year hallway, and the signs had our full name. And I remember just thinking like, Oh, I wish they'd just put my first name. I mean, it's affected my confidence. My whole life. I spent many years being really insecure about it. And as we've been talking about the things that shape our lives also shape our businesses. So when I left corporate and started my first business with my former partner, I purposely, you know, let her be out front, and I kind of like receded into the background, like I was behind the scenes. It's just like I didn't want me or my name out there. And even when I went out totally on my own in 2015 you know, with like a business that was literally just me. I still didn't want to use my name because I don't know it's a quote patron saint of feelings, Brene Brown. Like the story I told myself was that people would make fun of me, and I told myself a story that no one with a last name niederthal could have a public brand and a big business, I was like, no one would even be able to spell the URL of my website, right? So the business that I started then went by a different name, and then the business ultimately became smart gets paid. But like, look, even when I rebranded, the smart gets paid back in 2018 I still felt weird about putting my name front and center. So. So I can absolutely understand how something that people made fun of you for when you were little can still affect you today and show up in a really unlikely place, which is your business. But my story has a happy ending. Well, I guess kind of the happy ending part is that I love my name now. I love having it out there. I really just don't give a shit anymore. But I also have to tell you about what ultimately got me here. And amazingly enough, or I guess sadly enough, what started it was the 2016 election. I mean, Trump, right? And when he won, all the gays got scared. I mean, turns out rightly so my wife and I were definitely scared. You know, no one knew what was going to happen, but we were all afraid of what might happen. I mean, specifically at that time, what would happen to gay marriage. But of course, the deeper fear of what would happen to gay people, and my wife and I knew that we were going to be starting a family, you know, having kids, which, you know, we started that process in the middle of 2018, and since I was going to be carrying our first child, then that child would have my wife's last name. So, you know, a different last name than mine. And in this political environment, I didn't ever want to be in a situation where because my children and I had different last names like I didn't ever want to be in a situation where anyone can claim that my children weren't mine, or that we weren't a family. So I decided to change my last name to theirs. So my legal last name is my wife's last name, Monahan, and that's our children's last name too. And even though it's just something on paper, like obviously I don't use it professionally, but I feel safer for my family knowing that I've hopefully protected my family and my children by giving us the same last name. But here's the thing, my last name that to insecure Leah, you know, who had been embarrassed about my whole life, that I felt like had plagued me my whole life, that I'd wanted to hide. Right. When it came down to it, it was really hard for me to change it. I was actually sad about it. And what's funny is that before I came out, like when I was dating guys, I remember thinking like, I can't wait to get married so I can change my name. But when it really came to doing it, it was so much harder than I thought it would be. So I did what I do, which is, I spent a lot of time exploring why and like, what my name really meant to me, and I realized neither is a part of me. It's been who I am my whole life. You know? It ties me to my parents and to my sister and my grandparents, and I just really started to feel a much deeper appreciation for my last name and what it gave me, and I felt grateful that it made me who I am. So even though I ended up changing my legal name, I still use neitherthall as my professional name, but now it's without any shame attached to it, without any embarrassment. I'm just like if people mispronounce neitherthal, that's on them, not me, and if anything you know makes me stand out. And so now after all these years, I'm really proud of it. So here's what I want to leave you with. There may be things from your past that make you feel insecure or embarrassed or cause you to tell some type of story about yourself, and if you're willing to shine a light on it, you can start to rewrite the story, and it doesn't have to take a long time. There's a technique that my students learn in the academy called the awkwardness mantra, where you create a mantra to say to yourself when you're in any awkward situation, and a lot of times that's sales conversations, but having an awkwardness mantra can really make you feel confident and more comfortable and less awkward in like any awkward situation, any conversation. Because you know, a lot of times when you feel awkward, it feels like you have to sort of jump in and say something, right? And so the awkwardness mantra is something to keep you from feeling like you have to do that. So in creating the awkwardness mantra, the first thing we do is shine a light on the story you're telling yourself about why you feel like you have to jump in, and it's usually a story you don't even realize you're telling yourself. And when we shared those in the group, when we were creating the awkwardness mantra, so much came out, some women shared that they were the oldest children in their family, and they always felt like they had to be so responsible for their younger siblings, which made them feel like they were responsible for this scenario that they were in where they felt awkward, which meant that when they felt awkward, it felt like they had to be responsible and do something. Some women shared that they grew up in really strict households and weren't allowed to make mistakes. So now when things were awkward, they felt like they had done something wrong. Some women came from families where they were encouraged to speak up, but others came from families where if they did the wrong thing, they were serious consequences. And all of those experiences were playing out in their businesses. I mean, forget their businesses. All those experiences were playing out just in how they. Approached an awkward pause in a conversation. So once everyone was aware of those, we moved on in the exercise and started to rewrite that narrative into a story that we could turn into a mantra that they could say to themselves so they could feel more comfortable, and they didn't have to jump in and fill the silence. But shining a light on that story, those stories together was a really powerful experience, and that's just one small example of how we can start to rewrite the stories that we don't even realize are holding
us back. So all of this is a journey, and it starts with being kind to yourself, having compassion for who you were back then, and giving yourself some grace for how those experiences are playing out today. But if you're up for it, the journey is worth it. It'll make you a better, happier person and a better, happier and much more successful business owner. Hey, everything we're talking about in this episode is part of the system women like you are learning in the academy. In the Academy, we help women consultants install the two systems every B to B consultant needs a marketing system to consistently attract the right clients and a sales system to lead a sales process to a yes and get paid more for every contract. So even if you've only gotten clients through referrals or word of mouth in the academy, you'll learn how to attract and sign clients outside your network, how to lead a sales process with confidence, and how to get paid for your value, not your time, and there's no cold calling or cold emailing involved, no changing your services or making a course, and you won't use any pushy sales tactics. That's just not our vibe. So if you like what you've heard here, the academy may be your right next step to learn how you can get these two systems in your consulting business and make progress faster and with fewer roadblocks. Head to smart gets paid.com/academy and apply and we can chat about next steps. All right. See you over there. Transcribed by https://otter.ai
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